Sole survivor ; Galoshes, rock shoes, and eco-friendly slip-ons, oh my - just when did men's footwear get so complicated?

"It is often said that a man's shoes are his most important itemof clothing. They are. An otherwise perfect appearance is destroyed,irreparably and at a stroke, if a man has an ugly pair of shoes onhis feet." - Bernhard Roetzel in "Gentleman: A Timeless Guide toFashion"

I worry that I own too many pairs of shoes. I am the kind ofperson who should own perhaps two pairs of casual shoes, including,yes, doggedly unfashionable Merrell slip-ons, plus a pair of blacklace-up shoes for funerary events, such as job interviews, and apair of lace-up browns, even though "Brown Shoes Don't Make it," asFrank Zappa so memorably reminded my generation.

Billionaire mayor Michael Bloomberg has said he owns six pairs ofshoes. Billionaire felon Bernie Madoff owned several hundred pairsof shoes. I am more Bloomberg than Bernie.

Suddenly I seem to own upward of 16 pairs of shoes, notincluding slippers, hiking boots, running shoes, and squash shoes,which are really just volleyball shoes with a 20 percent price bumpthrown in because look at the toffs who play squash, after all. Myinventory does include cross-country ski boots, two pairs of snowboots, and an amazing pair of galoshes I bought from Londonderry,N.H.-based Herrington catalog purveyors.

Yes, I also own a pair of rubber overshoes, but I am especiallyfond of my galoshes. They are totally retro, and they provide superbprotection for whatever shoes you might be wearing to a party orevening event. (Women get to carry a spare pair of shoes to winterevents, a privilege not afforded to men.) I usually kill three orfour minutes in someone's doorway, unsnapping my galoshes whilechecking out the other guests and the catering situation. Half thetime I just strap the galumpers back on and return home to watch"Law & Order" reruns.

But I digress. How did things get this bad? In part I blame theInternet. I own several pairs of cheesy Lands' End walking shoes,purchased off a splash ad promising unlimited comfort for $49.Comfort costs more, I am here to tell you. Just last week, I boughta pair of "rock shoes" because the company was offering freeshipping. The waterproof rock shoes join my water shoes, my neopreneankle boots, and my two sets of waterproof "sealskin" socks, all ofwhich I convinced myself were necessary for rowing a single shell,or scull, in wintertime.

1. They are not necessary. 2. You shouldn't be rowing inwintertime, unless it's in Long Beach, Calif., which I did thiswinter, but I'm off on another tangent here.

I am a sucker for eco-come-ons. My second favorite pair of shoes - yes, I decided to rank them for this column - is an odd, flat,jute outdoor slipper, with a sole reclaimed from a used automobiletire. I distinctly remember overpaying ($100) for them three yearsago, but they have not only survived, they have prevailed.

"Yeah, that's the Wombat," Sanuk brand creative director MichaelMinter told me. "That's part of our Rasta line. We call themdeconstructed shoes. Brad Pitt is a big fan, and so is JamesFranco." Are you saying I'm hip, I asked, with some trepidation?"Yes, I am," Minter replied. "Shocking, isn't it?"

My third favorite pair of shoes was also a recent impulse Webpurchase, Rieker "stress-free" Arne fisherman's sandals. I am wayover-committed in the sandals category, including Tevas and two veryexpensive pairs of Birkenstocks that I never wear. My sons tell methe soles will eventually mold to the bottom of my foot, but who hasthat kind of time? In summer, I wear sandals - the weather-beatenClarks I bought on University Avenue in Palo Alto in 1997 - to theoffice, an apparent violation of a dress code of which I amblissfully unaware.

Newspapers have dress codes? What's next? Ethics policies? Justkidding, of course.

Wearing sandals to the office can be a gross breach of taste,explained Jeff Douglass, an executive with the holding company thatowns Nunn Bush and Florsheim.

(Mr. Zappa notwithstanding, I own a nice pair of brown, Nunn Bushlace-ups.) "Sandals?" Douglass opined. "Generally no. I suppose itdepends on what kind of work you do, but no, that is not usuallyacceptable."

But Jesus wore sandals. . . . Oh, never mind.

Alex Beam is a Globe columnist. His e-dress is beam@globe.com.

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